By Scott Beggs
In remake news that most won’t recognize as a remake, Robert De Niro is gearing up to star in Everybody’s Fine, an updated version of Tornatore’s neo-classic Stanno Tutti Bene.
When our friends at Slashfilm posted the story about legendarily-bad director Uwe Boll quitting the film industry for good if a petition garnered one million signatures, I found myself foolishly hopeful for about five minutes. Then I realized that there was no way it was going to work.
Since every other site that covers this story will make some sarcastic comment about Lohan showing her acting range by playing a sex-addict, I’ll spare you the tired humor. Instead, I’ll just give you the bare facts on what might become Lindsay Lohan’s finest role to date.
Things keep looking up for William Monahan. After exploding onto the scene with Kingdom of Heaven he followed it up by winning an Oscar with his The Departed script. Since then, he’s nabbed screenplay and writing credits for Ridley Scott’s Body of Lies, the upcoming Jurrasic Park IV, and now he’s set his sights on the director’s chair with his adaptation of the Ken Bruen novel “London Boulevard”.
After a solid hour of trying calmly to explain the situation, I was reduced to shouting profanities about Jim Gordon and my local police force in the waiting room just as the night was starting to get busy.
What do you do when you have two of the best comedic actors in the business – Paul Rudd and Jason Segel – slated for your new comedy? How about adding an Emmy-winning female presence to the mix?
According to MTV’s Movie Blog, Tom Hanks won’t be playing Guy Montag for Frank Darabont’s adaptation of Fahrenheit 451 after all. For a film that has been floating the rocky studio seas since 1994, this is another incredible set back.
Like a hirsute, yet delightfully overweight, male burlesque dancer, director Kevin Smith raised our temperatures about Zack and Miri Make a Porno without revealing too much in his latest interview with News Askew fans. Despite Neil punching me in the shoulder every five minutes to rhetorically ask me how cool Kevin Smith is, I’ve had some time to process the interview and came to a few conclusions.
Remember Lindsay Lohan? That lovable scamp that melted our hearts in Disney’s remakes of its own movies, then grew up, flashed her special parts to the public, and made crappy movies between stints in rehab? Whatever happened to her?
