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Your Alternate Box Office: Everything Goes Better With Armageddon

By  · Published on April 1st, 2011

Whether you’re trying to avoid the releases this week or augment them with even more movies, Your Alternate Box Office offers some options for movies that would play perfectly alongside of (or instead of) the stuff studios are shoving into the megaplex this weekend.

This week features a man who’s only got 8 minutes to save the world, a house that’s not haunted, a superhero who isn’t a superhero, and an Easter bunny who’s not the Easter bunny.


Double Feature With: SOURCE CODE

The Pitch: What better way to satisfying a massive craving for world-saving goodness than to pair the body-shifting sci-fi thrills of Source Code with the Men on a Mission Control of Armageddon?

The high concept explosions are enough to make you think about buying earplugs, then dismiss the idea because you’re not weak. As a triple feature, slam a six pack and play with your girlfriend’s belly button because she finds it cute and endearing instead of creepy and unnerving.

How to See It: Requires a Rental


Double Feature With: INSIDIOUS

The Pitch: In Insidious, a couple believes that their house is haunted, but it turns out that it’s their young son who’s plagued by the spirit world.

As a perfect double feature, try out a movie where the earth is haunted by a giant meteor that’s going to kill every single living thing on the planet including bacteria and little haunted children.

Plus, the scares delivered by the Saw/Paranormal Activity team go well with just how scary good at acting Ben Affleck is.

How to See It: Requires a Rental


Double Feature With: SUPER

The Pitch: What the world needs is a real hero, and when the world calls on that hero, a real hero will step up. I read that on a fortune cookie I got at an Italian place last week, but it applies equally here to both films. Instead of the cleft-chinned do-gooders that the movie world is usually strapped with, James Gunn has taken an almost Armageddon-esque look at the superhero genre by making the main man a despicable human being that’s way too relatable for comfort’s sake.

It’s as if someone took all of the misfits from Michael Bay’s seminal work, distilled them into one character and gave Rainn Wilson the freedom to take that role to the next level.

How to See It: Requires a Rental


Double Feature With: HOP

The Pitch: Why follow-up a children’s movie with the greatest action movie of all time whose entire runtime is in slow motion? The hell if I know. Maybe because there are no other live-action/animation blends featuring a cartoon rabbit. Maybe because just like Steve Buscemi’s character, the Easter Bunny is the rare lovable pedophile. Maybe because after taking your kids to see Hop, you’ll need to cleanse your palette with a little Aerosmith and a lot of awesome.

You thought I was going to use the Buscemi pedophile connection for Rainn Wilson in Super, didn’t you? It’s understandable.

How to See It: Requires a Rental

Come back next Friday for more alternative box office tips

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Movie stuff at VanityFair, Thrillist, IndieWire, Film School Rejects, and The Broken Projector [email protected] | Writing short stories at Adventitious.