Welcome to Last Night on TV, our ongoing series that looks back at what happened on television the night before. If we’re going to stay up all night and watch TV, we might as well talk about it the next day.
FILLORY. WE’RE IN FILLORY! OMG FINALLY AFTER DANGLING IT IN FRONT OF US FOR SO LONG WE’RE IN FILLORY! YAY FILLOR… wait. No, we’re not. Not at all. Yet again, this is another episode about maybe going to Fillory and preparing to go to Fillory yet not going to Fillory. I’m starting to think Fillory is code for “Red Herring.” Or “Gigantic Macguffin.” Still, there are two episodes left, so keep hope alive.
Thankfully, that hope comes in the form of the Leo Blade. After reading the pages Penny returns from the Neitherlands library with, they learn that in order to kill the Beast, they’ll need a Blade. Which can only be found in the place it feels like we’ll never go to. So the gang has a confab and everyone except Quentin decides it’s a good idea to make a deal with the Beast and give him the button.
However, that turns out to be a colossally bad idea as the Beast kills everyone in turn. Eliot? Dead. Margo? Dead. Penny? Yep. Alice? Neck snap. Quentin? Force choked. So, everyone’s dead. Show over. Okay, not really. Turns out the gang was casting a probability spell to see if their plan might work. But it hasn’t worked, each and every time they’ve tried it, the all wind up dead. Except for one time when they went to Fillory (and we don’t get to see it) and everything “turns white.” Argh.
So, the Beast is coming for sure, and in less than a week. Our intrepid group decides to take the Fillory option, but before they can head there, they need to brush up on their battle magic. Margo suggest that they just take guns, which personally sounds like a great idea, but Quentin whines that it wouldn’t be right, and they go along with him. They find a fantastic book of battle magic, but none of them can make the spells work. Quentin and Alice persuade Penny to help them find Kady, who was a battle magic pro.
Penny agrees to help, although he’s got his own issues. He’s started to hear the Beast’s voice in his head, telling him to kill himself. Along with a high-pitched, piercing noise. Which would drive me mental in about five minutes. Penny manages to hang on a bit longer, but turns to drinking and cocaine binging until he passes out and wakes up in the infirmary. That’s where Sunderland gives him a needle-riddled patch to slap on the base of his skull, which she tells him should help.
Kady, as we know, is with Julia and the other hedge witches, determined to find a way to communicate with a god. However, none of their plans so far have worked, so they go in search of “lesser” magical beings, beginning with vampires, in an attempt to work their way up. The gang, minus Penny, turn up to talk with her at Julia’s apartment. Julia is out, so there’s no Quentin/Julia makeup session, and Kady tells them they have to free themselves of emotions using a spell.
Back at Brakebills, they try this spell on for size. It takes all of the emotions out of your body, and turns them into a bright pink liquid, which they all wear in a tiny little bottle around their necks. After that, they are completely badass wizards when it comes to battle magic. However, when they drink the liquid to return their emotions, it hits them like a freight train. Penny and Quentin opt to keep trying, but without the emotion trick.
Julia and Kady have an interview with a vampire, which eventually leads them to another magical creature who has taken the form of Kady’s dead mother. However, she tells them the gods are all dead. Later, with the other hedge witches asleep, Julia prays to the deity whose spell she cast a few episodes back, and that night she has a vision of a goddess telling her to bring three gifts to a guardian by a bridge. So that’s getting pretty real.
And closing us out, a drunken Eliot and Quentin giggle their way through a bottle of wine, and Margo helps Quentin drag Eliot to bed so he can crash. Margo unloads her feelings on Quentin, telling him she’s never loved anything the way he loves magic, and then boom – they have a threesome. When Quentin wakes up the next morning, naked in bed with a passed out Eliot and Margo… Alice is sitting on the end of the bed, with heartbreak on her face.
Nice work, Quentin. Alice is the best, you jerk.
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