5. Knife Trophy (Malignant, 2021)
If you listen very closely at the 37:45 mark of James Wan’s Malignant, you can literally hear a chorus of angels singing “Ave Maria.” No, it’s true. Trust me. Why does a trophy recognizing Dr. Weaver’s accomplishments in surgery have a very obvious knife in it? Why not a staff, per the accepted association of medical services with the Rod of Asclepius? Or a scalpel? Was Dr. Weaver performing reconstructive pediatric brain surgery with a machete? None of these questions matter because Malignant is a film for goofy goobers, and silliness is a feature, not a bug. You might as well ask why Madison has a full-ass workshop in her attic. And really, you can hardly blame Gabriel for seeing the irony-rich potential in something clearly begging to become an outlandish weapon. A close-combat knife that you hold like a pair of brass knuckles? Are you kidding me? Bonus style points all around for keeping the word “excellence” at the hilt. Like Wan, Gabriel appreciates his Giallo movies. If you have a weapon as cool as this, it’s very important to hold it up dramatically before plunging it into the folks who wronged you. Gosh, there go those angels again. (Meg Shields)
4. Guitar Power Drill (Slumber Party Massacre II, 1987)
Why does the supernatural greaser in The Slumber Party Massacre II suddenly have a drillbit guitar? It’s just rad. Hair metal and horror have always had a symbiotic relationship. Questioning the why is a foolish endeavor. You have to go with it… or run from it. Atanas Ilitch‘s Driller Killer is a screaming, rock-n-roll nightmare. He’s back from the dead and ready to shred his victim’s ears as much as their flesh. He’s cool but goofy too. Writer/director Deborah Brock is spoofing the slasher genre with her sequel, but she’s not calling her laughs like a dimwit. In an era where Freddy’s stalking boiler rooms with his five-bladed glove and Jason’s transforming sleeping bags into flesh-filled mallets, highlighting the genre’s absurdity with a drill guitar acts as both a lampooning and a celebration. (Brad)
3. The Chainsaw Hand (Evil Dead II, 1987)
When it comes to horror films, the tools of terror are sometimes just as memorable as the lunatics and psychopaths that use them. The best of the best become synonymous with the films and characters to which they belong. This is certainly the case with Ash and his chainsaw hand from Evil Dead II. After his right-hand turns evil and attempts to kill him, Ash is left with no other choice than to cut it off. After a knockdown drag-out fight, in which Bruce Campbell showcases physical comedy that makes even Jim Carrey green with envy, Ash is left with nothing more than a nub on the end of his right arm. Realizing this is no way to fight Deadites, Ash does the only logical thing — he places a chainsaw where his hand used to be. Groovy. (Chris Coffel)
2. The Videotape (The Ring, 2002)
It may seem like a stretch to call the cursed VHS tape from Hideo Nakata’s Ring and Gore Verbinski’s The Ring a weapon, given that it doesn’t inflict blunt force trauma or defend whoever wields it against attackers. But, as the very creepy story at the center of The Ring reveals, it’s definitely an item created solely for the sake of menacing and eventually killing anyone who comes into contact with it. Wet-haired ghost girl Samara (Daveigh Chase in the American version), it seems, isn’t strong enough to wield a hammer but is creative enough to put a disturbing echo of her life on a videotape in the cabin above the well where she was killed.
Regardless of how it came into being, the tape is definitely one of the scariest weapons on this list. I watched this movie at a young age, then watched the sequel exactly seven days later, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little bit scared that Samara would come crawling out of my TV like the eerie phone calls from the film promised. The contents of the tape itself are freaky on an instinctual level: aside from the now-famous imagery of the TV static and the ring itself, there’s also an ominous tree on fire, a string of guts being pulled out of an open mouth, and a swarm of maggots, among other things. Even as an adult, it’s hard for me to look at and easy to believe it could scare someone to death. (Valerie Ettenhofer)
1. The Glove (Nightmare on Elm Street, 1984)
There could be no other number one. Freddy’s high-five is the ultimate horror movie weapon. It’s certainly the most marketable!
In the first Nightmare on Elm Street, there was little fanfare around it. The knife glove was merely the overly fetishized weapon of a child killer turned dream monster. As the franchise progressed, we caught a few more glimpses of its creation, but Craven and the other filmmakers never drilled into the why of its existence. The glove represents the immediacy of Fred Kruger’s evil intention. He sees something. He wants something. He takes something. He thinks, and his hand attacks. He doesn’t have to reach for a blade. He doesn’t have to walk over to the shed for a chainsaw. The moment an evil thought enters his head is the moment it can be executed. (Brad Gullickson)
Once you’ve finished raiding your workshed, and tooled up, find more deadly delights with our 31 Days of Horror Lists!
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