How would some of your favorite Game of Thrones characters retire after The Wars to Come are over?
In the most recent episode of Game of Thrones, “No One,” we were introduced to a concept not previously explored by any of the denizens of Westeros: retirement plans. Both Arya Stark and Tyrion Lannister talked about what they’d like to do if their part in the Great War of Ice and Fire were finished. Or in Arya’s case, what she’d like to do because she’s lit from all the Milk of the Poppy.
For Arya, freedom from war and strife would lead her to explore the edge of the known world of Earthyros. As you can see in this map, it’s believed to be flat and no one really knows what’s west of Westeros. Would she fall off? Would she end up in Asshai or Ulthos? Regardless, this little explorer is ready to get her Magellan on.
For Tyrion, retirement would mean owning a vineyard, possibly somewhere in The Arbor or perhaps Dorne. There he would make his own wine, called “The Imp’s Delight,” something to be shared only with his close friends. We imagine that would mean visits from Bronn, Pod, and a mystically cured Ser Jorah Mormont.
With these retirement plans in mind, we imagined the ways in which some of our other favorite Game of Thrones characters might retire:
Grand Maester Pycelle
Matthew Monagle: I don’t profess to know who will win the Game of Thrones. I only know who will sit next to that winner at the small council. The Wikia for Grand Maester Pycelle – and we have to use the Wikia now, because after five books and five-plus seasons, who the hell can keep the complicated backstory straight? – claims that he has served four kings prior to the events of the series. We also learned along the way that he is more spry than he appears; remember his post-sex calisthenics from the first season? Add it up and you have the most learned cockroach of Westeros, a man who has survived more bloodshed and madness in the kingdom’s history than a smattering of dragons or a few thousand walking dead could ever hope to achieve. When all the battles have been finished and the bodies of Lannisters, Tyrells, Starks, and Targaryens outnumber the stars, there will be Pycelle, whispering comforting words of fealty until the day that his heart finally gives out during a particularly robust round of brothel sex. And that makes Pycelle kind of special, doesn’t it? Of all the characters in Game of Thrones, the Grand Maester is the only one who can honestly say he’s right where he wants to be.
Neil Miller: Following her time with Sam at Oldtown and the end of the great war in The North, Gilly settles with Sam in the lands known as The Gift, where the Free Folk are building their city. She opens The Shireen Baratheon Memorial School for the Free Folk, teaching young wildlings how to read and write. She spends most of her time at Winterfell with Sam, who is now Maester to the Stark family, but makes it to The Gift a few times per week to check up on Little Sam, who is the school’s fiercely inspirational young teacher.
Ser Bronn of the Blackwater
Jamie Righetti: Bronn is one of my favorite characters in Westeros and although he’s been promised a castle and a wife by Jaime, I think he would find this retirement too boring. When it’s all said and done, the allure of Dorne, especially those feisty Sand Snakes, would become irresistible. I like to imagine that Bronn would open up a Dornish brothel that would put Littlefinger to shame. But it would all come full circle when Bronn overhears a customer, played by Robson Green, serenading one of his girls. The two would become an overnight sensation, performing duets for royalty and nobility across Westeros.
Ser Davos Seaworth
Neil Miller: Following a great victory in The North, in which he helps Jon and Sansa not only defeat Ramsay Bolton but repel the forces led by The Night King, Ser Davos chooses to live out his days in The North. Retiring to the suburbs around Winterfell, he opens up Westeros’ first mutton trailer, a mobile kitchen that brings Northern/Dornish fusion mutton to the smallfolk rebuilding The North and The Riverlands. With spices smuggled from as far as Qarth and Dornish wine pairings, his mutton trailer, “Dark and Full of Flavors,” becomes the toast of Westeros, receiving a five star review from Varys’ The New Realm, the paper of record in the new capital at Riverrun.
Stannis’ Shadow Baby
Christopher Campbell: It is believed shadow assassins die after accomplishing their mission, like a bee’s demise upon stinging someone. But suppose the truth is they just retire? Following his stabbing of Renly Baratheon, the shadow baby born to Melisandre and Stannis seemed to evaporate into nothing. Well, he just went on to a better place – not shadow heaven but a magical island where it could roam about freely. Until a bunch of castaways and plane crash survivors show up and make a lot of noise, at which point he starts killing again.
Matthew Monagle: One thing has always struck me odd about the White Walkers: what happens to the men and women who die missing their arms or legs? We have plenty of proof that the Army of the North does not discriminate against the freshly dead and the long decomposed; it seems odd that they would draw the line at men hacked in two by a wildling longsword. Somewhere out there, far behind the White Walker vanguard, is the undead rear-guard, those creatures crawling and hopping and dragging way to the Wall. Is it too much to hope for that the Hodor Wight will be counted among their number? His eyes may have turned blue, but Hodor’s undead face still wears the same smile as he gently picks up the half-bodies of his fellow wights and carries them forward on their march. Maybe there’s one member of the undead in particular, a young wilding boy whose legs were crushed as he fell from a horse, that the Hodor Wight dotes on more than the others. Maybe they go on little zombie adventures. Maybe for the simple of mind and the pure of heart, being a zombie isn’t such a bad twist of fate after all.
Read more Game of Thrones coverage:
- Game of Thrones Explained: A Rough Night for Book Readers
- Game of Thrones: Believe in Lady Stoneheart
- The Game of Thrones Death Panic Index
- Game of Thrones: The Truth About Coldhands
- Game of Thrones: Who is the Real Villain of This Story?
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