7 Things We Need From ‘Zoolander 2’

By  · Published on November 21st, 2014

Paramount Pictures

We’ve been hearing rumors about a second Zoolander feature for what seems like years now – hey, it has actually been whole years! – and while we never exactly gave up hope that we would (one day!) suck back another hot batch of orange mocha Frappuccinos with the gang again, we haven’t been holding our breath on the feature. Turns out, that’s a good thing! We, like, totally would have died! But Zoolander 2 does apparently live, and it’s started casting to prove it.

Deadline reports that Zoolander 2, set to be directed by star Ben Stiller and with a script by Justin Theroux (remember, he penned Tropic Thunder for Stiller), will feature a part for Penelope Cruz of all starlets, with Stiller back as the Blue Steel-faced model moron, and rumors that we can expect to see both Owen Wilson and Will Ferrell back for more vigorously persisting. There’s no word on what we can expect to see from the film beyond this particular line-up of talents, but we’ve got some ideas. Here’s what we need – nay, require – from Zoolander 2:

1. More Derek Jr.

The first film ended with Derek (Stiller) and Matilda (Christine Taylor) reveling in baby Derek Jr.’s first look. Should Zoolander 2 dive deeper into the world of kid modeling? Duh. The original Zoolander hit screens back in 2001, so even if this new feature gets into production in snappy style, young Derek Jr. will likely be a sassy teen – that’s kind of perfect. The next generation!

2. More Struggles With Technology

Derek and Hansel consistently had zero idea how to operate modern technology, from phones to computers, which seems like the sort of small plot point that could balloon out into something wild, given the rise of social media. Can you even imagine Derek Zoolander on Twitter?

3. Adventures With the Zoolander Clan

We’d love to see Derek really, finally, truly prove himself to his coal-mining clan, who never quite understand why he was so compelled to sell, um, water.

4. Checking In On the Center For Kids Who Can’t Read Good

Has the center really been a success? Or has Derek’s latent idiocy seeped into his own best idea? What are the graduates of the Center up to? Could the entire feature just be about Derek, Matilda, Derek Jr., and Hansel trying to save the Center from some evil-doer (MUGATU!?!), adding a delicious personal touch to whatever necessary drama the film provides for comedic relief?

5. A Walk-Off

This goes without saying.

6. More, Uh, Bonding

After years of professional jealousy, Hansel and Derek spent most of Zoolander falling in friend-love with each other, going so far as to share Derek’s lady love in one ridiculous, bizarre, drug-fueled night of passion. They might have grown out of this kind of, you know, bonding, but we’d love to see what that looks like in a more mature situation.

7. Delicious Treats

Orange mocha Frappuccinos don’t necessarily lead to death – though that’s up for debate – but they definitely lead to fun. Back in 2001, Starbucks’ bloated drink menu was already a punchline, so just imagine what sort of mirth could be pulled from their contemporary offerings? Peppermint mocha lattes are already hilarious on their own, but with a Zoolander touch? Sold.

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