As we all know, today is Boobquake Day, a simple holiday/scientific project launched when Jen McCreight of Blag Hag posted that she was going to wear the lowest cut shirt she owned today in the name of disproving Tehran’s Friday Prayer Leader Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi. The experiment is a simple one – to show that boobs do not cause earthquakes.
I realize we have a lot of female readers out there despite Fure constantly attempting to frighten away them with talk of his weight-lifting feats, but there are also a lot of men out there who are asking, “How do I help out on this auspicious day?”
Well, ladies and gentlemen, we can all wear cleavage-bearing clothes, but we can also watch the hell out of some movies. I have to assume that if every reader watches any entry on this list today, the action will add nearly 4 million more almost-exposed bosoms out into the world.
Bust out that V-cut shirt. Let’s see if we can cause the ground to shake.
5. Heartbreakers
The Bust: Not only is Jennifer Love Hewitt in the film prominently, there’s a scene where she very specifically uses her minimal clothing to seduce Ray Liotta’s character. And when she dresses up as the French Maid. And the hot pink dress. And all the scenes with her in the bikini top. And then, there’s Sigourney Weaver wearing a strapless, low-cut evening gown.
Bonus film: The infamously shot-from-above “What are you waiting for?” Rain Scene in I Know What You Did Last Summer.
4. Barb Wire
The Bust: Under no normal circumstances would I suggest watching this movie, but sometimes you have to endure a little pain for science. If you’re really interested in going the extra mile, send a strongly-worded letter to Ms. Anderson to inform her she should be testing something revealing during the day today. Just kidding. She probably already is.
Bonus show: Check out the box set of “Baywatch” and prepare for tremors. Then feel free to watch Tremors. It doesn’t have cleavage in it, but it’s a great movie.
3. Frida
The Bust: Not only is Frida a beautiful movie, it also features a lot of scientifically relevant subject matter in the form of Salma Hayek. Admire the struggle of the artist in her lifetime, but be forewarned: the movie does contain actual breasts. I’m not sure if this will skew the test in any way, but there is a bit more than cleaved mammaries here.
Bonus film: The Snake Dance scene in From Dusk Til Dawn. Although, watching it might prove that snakes cause hurricanes. Or that you really, really want to drink some tequila.
2. One Million Years B.C.
The Bust: If you’re looking to do some old-school research, it’s tough to top the prehistoric cleavage of Raquel Welch in One Million Years B.C. I have no idea if humans from that time period even wore clothes (or shaved their legs), but I have to believe that if they did, the garments were minimal. Thus, your contributing to historical accuracy and scientific research in one step.
Bonus film: The ethical comedy Bedazzled which features Welch in a bikini most of the time. As a bonus to the bonus, watch Bedazzled, which features Elizabeth Hurley in her bikini, the popular french maid uniform and a cheerleader outfit most of the time.
1. Season 3 of “Mad Men”
The Bust: I realize that this isn’t a film, but all of the other entries might as well be an Erector Set when compared to the glorious ecological destruction that is carried around by Christina Hendricks on a daily basis. Even with the modest dress of the 1960s. It is mathematically possible to watch the entire season in one day, with a few hours extra for watching even more seasons of “Mad Men” or one of the other fine films listed here.
Bonus film: I urge you to choose your own adventure. Lindsay Lohan fan? Rosario Dawson? Dolly Parton? John Goodman? All of these fine earthquake-causes will work wonders for the experiment today, and help prove something serious to a man in Iran who probably isn’t even paying attention.
What independent research will you be doing? How will you be helping the cause?
